Happy Birthday Robert!
Robert O’Regan… He is the king of conspiracy theories, time travel, and is a master coffee mixologist. Today, he turns the ripe old age of [REDACTED]! While it’s never easy turning [REDACTED], it’s important that we all take a moment to wish Mr. O’Regan the happiest of birthdays. Even if he never does take us out to Fogo de Chao. Jerk.
Key Accomplishments
Let’s note a few key moments from the last [REDACTED] years of Robert’s life:
- Robert once scaled Mount Olympus to fight Zeus. And, yes, he won.
- Robert actually invented AOL in 1917.
- Robert holds the world record for drinking 8,915 ounces of Death Wish Coffee in a mere 18 seconds. (He was awake for 9 weeks)
- Robert is the only US citizen to successfully fly a kite around the world. Twice.
- Robert Redford, Robert Deniro, and Robert Kennedy were all named after Mr. O’Regan.
- Superman may fall victim to kryptonite, but not Robert… He uses it to brush his teeth.
- Robert has won the Nobel Peace Prize a record 13 million times – And has donated 97% of his winnings to help end world hunger. The other 3% went to beer.
- Robert’s name used to be Robert O’Robert, but changed it to O’Regan in 1947 as to not appear too conceited.
A Birthday Video/Song
A special song performed by BG Kent and the Reg Ops – Just for you, Robert.